Saturday, February 19, 2005

A consequential decision

You might have noticed that I did not write anything valuable for the last couple of weeks. I’m going through a very hard time, it makes me unwilling to write or do anything. Today I decided to write maybe you will make me feel better.
My husband has a work opportunity in Dubai (United Arab Emirates), and the last couple of weeks we had to take the decision whether we should accept it or not. After deep thinking from both of us we decided that he will accept it. and that means we will leave to Dubai. I still can’t believe it, I have always dreamed of traveling outside of Iraq but not for a long time, this time I don’t know for how long. My husband said till things in Iraq start to get better. But what if things never start to get better?
I tried to put a list of negative and positive things and here they are:
The positive things:
He has a great job that he likes, a good opportunity to take his PhD from there, Which I really want him to take.
I will see the world, And I might have the chance to work and put my daughter in a good school, without the fear of being killed or kidnapped for both of us.
If things start to get better in Iraq, we will return back and have good chance to find a good work again. and if things become worse than before, we took the right step from the beginning by having the chance to rebuild our future again.


The Negative things:
I will leave my parents alone, which is something that I don’t know how I will handle. I cry every time I imagine myself leaving them alone in these terrible conditions. They have only me for them since my sister lives in Mosul. I blame myself for leaving them but at the same time I have to think about the future of my daughter too. they encourage us to leave, but I know from their deepest heart they wish we will stay. I also will lose all my friends here and of course IRAQ. My eyes are full of tears now.


I will lose all the nice memories in my house, I love my house and I can’t take anything with me. We will leave in an airplane. I still can’t imagine how I will close the house and move to the unknown.


These are not the only the bad things that bother me. There is another problem. Dubai refuse to give me a Visa because I’m an Iraqi that had never went to Dubai before the war. They will give my husband only because he had gone there several times and he has a work contract in Dubai. So he has to leave alone first and after he will have his residency he will take me as I’m his wife. This procedure might take too long and we don’t know how much it will take. some said it took about a month and a half some said more some said less. but we don’t know anyone who have made his residency after the war. (I meant for Iraqis). So we will take a chance. I don’t know How I will stand to stay alone without him. I depend completely on him in many things in the house, I can’t go alone, I can’t operate the generator alone, and so many problems we had that he used to take care for me.
I feel so depressed, We have never thought of leaving Iraq before, now we have to, we can’t stand living here any more. My husband was so depressed the for the last few months till now, he said he needs to make a change we all need to make a change, even our way of thinking needs to change.

He will leave next month, and I will wait for him here. you will be my only way to relieve myself and be connected with the outside world. And after leaving Iraq I will give you some information about me and my family.

352 Comments:

Blogger strykeraunt said...

Rose,

My first reaction to your post is to be very excited for you but I can also see how you would have very mixed emotions regarding this decision. As a mother myself, I completely understand why your parents would want you to go. I also believe that Iraq will be a much better place in a couple of years from now and will be a safer place for you to bring your daughter back to. While I look forward to a time when you can really tell us about yourself, I also believe that you while not paint a picture too far off from what I already see you. You are a very special lady, and deserve great happiness.

3:47 PM  
Blogger AFM said...

good luck and thanks for sharing online.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Tina said...

It's natural to be afraid of change. But look at it this way, you are not leaving forever and whether you believe it or not things are going to get a LOT better in Iraq very soon. You will be able to visit your parents and they will be able to come and visit you.

You can LEARN how to work the generator (and if not, I'm sure you have a nice neighbor who will come to help you)

This is a wonderful opportunity for all of you and when you come back, you will come back to a much better job for your husband and you and your daughter will benefit greatly by the travel.

9:28 PM  
Blogger mtnyogi said...

Dear Rose,

I am a frequent reader, though infrequent commenter, of your blog.

While reading your blog, I have developed an image of a very strong, intelligent, courageous and sincere woman that I have a great deal of affection and admiration towards, even though I have never met you. What I have seen of you in your blog gives me little doubt that you will be able to handle the changes and challenges ahead.

A few comments on your "negative things" list.

In regards to your parents, if things go well for Iraq, you will be close enough to visit them from time to time. Perhaps not as often as you'd like, but you will not be completely cut off from them. On the other hand, if things don't go well for Iraq, then they will also have a place to go in Dubai (though I pray that this will never happen).

In regards to your nice memories, you never have to lose your memories. You may lose your house, but not your memories of it and all you did there. You will be able to take photographs with you to Dubai on the airplane. My wife and I just recently moved across our country (USA) and we sold much of our furniture. We kept the smaller stuff but had to put it into our garage here while we took out the carpeting and put in ceramic tile. We have found that there is very little that we actually need or miss. Even after finishing the tiling project, we have been slow to unpack these boxes because we've lived nearly a year now without needing what is in them! Perhaps you can leave some of the genuinely valuable or sentimental things with your parents, relatives or friends until you return to Iraq?

In regards to having your husband go ahead of you to Dubai, I am sure that it will be difficult to be separated from him for a couple of months. But hasn't he taken business trips before? And you've managed then with the generator and all that needs to be done?

I know of no one who hasn't had great sorrow in their life. There has been much sorrow and much unrest in your life recently and it must be difficult to face more sorrow in leaving behind so much of what you love in Iraq. But I see you as a person of courage too. A courageuos person still feels sorrow, and may weep. These are not signs of weakness. Neither are bravado and calling attention to yourself courage or strength. Courage simply means doing what needs to be done. Continuing to put one foot in front of the other. I see you as a strong, courageous person. Not one for bravado or trying to convince others that you are outwardly strong, but one who is inwardly strong. Trust that inner strength!

Also, consider that the sorrow from each sorrowful event in our lives is finite. And the number of sorrowful events is also finite. So all sorrow is finite, or limited, and will pass with time. Consider how different it is to look back on events than to live through them. Soon enough, you will be looking back on these events too!

May Allah bless you and guide you and bring you Peace and Joy! This is my prayer.

9:29 PM  
Blogger MonicaR said...

Rose! My first reaction was to be excited for you, too - and then I saw the difficulty of the situation as you described it.

Change can be so frightening - even good change! It is perfectly natural for you to have these mixed feelings.

I want to share with you that I left my family 17 years ago and moved from Denver to Philadelphia to get married. Although it is the same country it was a world away to me. My entire family lives within 5 miles of each other and here I sit in this huge, unfriendly city. It took a long time for me to adjust and in addition I was forced to do things for myself that I had no confidence that I would be able to do. At first the things that scared me the most were done through the haze of tears. Now I feel that this is my home - I have made it my home. Now I know that I am able to do many things and do them well. I learned to cope and you will, too. You are stronger than you know.

Have your husband write step by step instructions for the generator, the fuse box or breaker box, unclogging the drain, whatever it is that scares you and you think you can't do.

It is hard to leave family, I know. Don't forget that you are an important part of your little family with your husband and daughter. You will help each other to get through this and help each other to be strong.

Thanks for sharing Rose and take good care.

9:47 PM  
Blogger Mad Canuck said...

Hi Rose,

I can really relate to what you're going through now. I am also a young parent, and I went through the same thing a few years ago when I left Canada (where I'd lived most of my life) to move to the United States. For me, it was also a job opportunity that brought me here.

Traveling and working abroad can be rewarding, and in your case, Dubai isn't that far away, so you could feasibly return home for regular visits (especially if things calm down in Iraq).

As a young parent, one thing you will probably miss is having relatives nearby. It is always nice to be able to leave your child with your parents or a trusted relative so you can go out with your spouse, but when you are living far away, you may find it hard to find people you really trust who you feel comfortable leaving your children with. Personally, my wife and I used to go to movies a lot, but we often can't now because we can only go to movies that are suitable for our young children. Some people find it can be lonely, but if you have your spouse with you, it's not that bad because you have each other.

One suggestion you may want to consider: rent your house out as a furnished house. This can provide a number of advantages. You can make money from the rent, and while you are renting it out, your property value will probably appreciate. In a few years, if you like Dubai, you can sell the house, but if you don't, you have something you can easily move back into. I did this too: when I moved to the US, I rented my old home in Canada out for a few years.

The part about having to be separated is hard. I hope it's a short separation.

I hope this helps.....

Shawn - www.madcanuck.com

2:43 PM  
Blogger KT said...

Rose,

My heart breaks for you after all you have been through to now face this, but as I said about voting, you have to do what is best for you and your family. I also believe things will improve immensely in Iraq within another year or so; and then the opportunities will be endless.

Others have offered great suggestions, but I might add an internet connection to your parents would be a great tool for communication with them or sending pictures of your daughter.

I hope you will continue to blog no matter where you are. I enjoy hearing your views, and I think there are many that have come to think of you as a friend and rely on you for the truth. There is no doubt in my mind that someone as strong as your are, that found the courage to face the dangers of voting, will find the inner strength to get through the challenges that life throws our way.

Things happen for a reason, and you are just on another path in your journey. No doubt your path will cross again with Iraq. Stay safe.

5:32 PM  
Blogger Margie from NY said...

Rose,
I'm a frequent reader but have never commented. After reading all the other comments I feel everyone already said what I was thinking and they all had excellent advice. I can't imagine how hard it is for you since I have never been in a situation like yours. I just want you to know that I care about you and your family and hope everything is fine which I am sure it will be. That doesn't mean it will be easy, but I guess your life now isn't easy. I wish you the best of luck and pray for you and hope you continue to blog. I pray Iraq gets better and better everyday! Margie from USA (New York)

9:39 PM  
Blogger dcat said...

Rose,

You and your husband are definitely going on an adventure. You need to focus on the future. You will do fine it is the unknown that haunts you. New people will approach you and make friends. I think that we think of the worse possible thing when our little routine gets disrupted. We will all be here pulling for you and you are right to think of your daughter. You have a lot of living to do! “Good living”! It will get better have faith.

1:14 PM  
Blogger Victoria said...

Rose,

I am another regular reader who has never commented, until now. I too know the difficulties and conflicting emotions that come with moving away from your family. But you have one very important factor that can help. My Mother used to tell me that "A burden shared is half a burden". Please share your feelings, your setbacks, your fears, and your accomplishments with all of us. One of us might have the solution to a problem. And we will all be sharing your burden. Just remember we are all praying for your happiness.

Victoria

10:54 AM  
Blogger Victoria said...

Rose,

I am another regular reader who has never commented, until now. I too know the difficulties and conflicting emotions that come with moving away from your family. But you have one very important factor that can help. My Mother used to tell me that "A burden shared is half a burden". Please share your feelings, your setbacks, your fears, and your accomplishments with all of us. One of us might have the solution to a problem. And we will all be sharing your burden. Just remember we are all praying for your happiness.

Victoria

10:54 AM  
Blogger Victoria said...

Sorry about the double post!! I'm "tech-challenged".

10:58 AM  
Blogger Gery said...

Rose,
I read your blogs all the time and I can tell you that you give me strenght in a lot things in my life. My husband is actually in Iraq right now, and when he first left I was selfish and mad he had to go and help other people, but when I read your blogs and read other news, I'am a proud wife! I've been separated from him since August 2004 and it's been the hardest process ever! but he's due to be home in 4 weeks, I can tell you from experience that at first is hard, but then you learn to deal with it but later on you will realize that maybe it was a good thing that happened in your life. I miss him terribly and worse of all he's in a war zone, I'm able to speak with him, but when I don't hear from him. I WORRY so much, it's crazy. I sometimes wish I was at war with him, I would be happier then being here by myself. I think about the Iraqi people all the time and think about all the things you all go through daily, I'am blessed to live in a safe place, I listen to my husband stories and I think of all the good things he's doing. I also think about all the sad things that are happening. I think that maybe if you give it a chance it might help you on later on in life, specially for your kid. It will be a hard process but you will get through it, it seems to me that you have a good husband and he will help you. This is an opportunity for you, and your family. Life brings you these difficult times so you can over come them and achieve a goal. I know it will be hard to leave your parents, but things in Iraq will get better and you can always come back to visit them or fly them to visit you. If you don't take this chance you will always wonder, why you didn't? I know it will be hard, I've been through some hard moments for the passed 7 months but I learned to be strong and to thank god every day for keeping my husband safe and for blessing me with every thing I have. I'am also very positive in life and I have faith. You are an amazing lady and I wish you the best, and I'm happy to read your blogs. I wish you the best an I know you will have the best, cause you deserve everything in life !

11:31 AM  
Blogger Fayrouz said...

Rose,

I left Iraq in 1994 to immigrate to Australia. While in Australia, I succeeded in building my life from scratch.

Just when I thought I got it all, I moved to America in 2001. Again, I had to built my life from scratch. This time was easier because I have a loving and supportive husband.

Just when I thought I can settle for good in Dallas, here we're, me and my husband, preparing to move to another city. We still don't know our destination. But, we know we can start all over again wherever we move.

Take advantage of this chance. You'll learn a lot from the people you meet, work with or befriend.

10:32 PM  
Blogger sherif said...

Rose,

I lived in Dubai for a year when I was about 8 years old but I still remember much of it (i'm only 17). I'm sure u know about how it is one of the most beautiful countries u could live in the world. Living in the UAE would give u a better life than if u move to the USA for example or Europe. I really hope u go and start a new life there and become very happy. Plus there are a lot of Iraqis already in the country and i'm sure u and your husband already know ppl who live there.

Be strong

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7(a) Loan Guaranty Program

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Low Documentation Loan (SBALowDoc)

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7(m) Microloan Program

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