A consequential decision

You might have noticed that I did not write anything valuable for the last couple of weeks. I’m going through a very hard time, it makes me unwilling to write or do anything. Today I decided to write maybe you will make me feel better.
My husband has a work opportunity in Dubai (United Arab Emirates), and the last couple of weeks we had to take the decision whether we should accept it or not. After deep thinking from both of us we decided that he will accept it. and that means we will leave to Dubai. I still can’t believe it, I have always dreamed of traveling outside of Iraq but not for a long time, this time I don’t know for how long. My husband said till things in Iraq start to get better. But what if things never start to get better?
I tried to put a list of negative and positive things and here they are:
The positive things:
He has a great job that he likes, a good opportunity to take his PhD from there, Which I really want him to take.
I will see the world, And I might have the chance to work and put my daughter in a good school, without the fear of being killed or kidnapped for both of us.
If things start to get better in Iraq, we will return back and have good chance to find a good work again. and if things become worse than before, we took the right step from the beginning by having the chance to rebuild our future again.


The Negative things:
I will leave my parents alone, which is something that I don’t know how I will handle. I cry every time I imagine myself leaving them alone in these terrible conditions. They have only me for them since my sister lives in Mosul. I blame myself for leaving them but at the same time I have to think about the future of my daughter too. they encourage us to leave, but I know from their deepest heart they wish we will stay. I also will lose all my friends here and of course IRAQ. My eyes are full of tears now.


I will lose all the nice memories in my house, I love my house and I can’t take anything with me. We will leave in an airplane. I still can’t imagine how I will close the house and move to the unknown.


These are not the only the bad things that bother me. There is another problem. Dubai refuse to give me a Visa because I’m an Iraqi that had never went to Dubai before the war. They will give my husband only because he had gone there several times and he has a work contract in Dubai. So he has to leave alone first and after he will have his residency he will take me as I’m his wife. This procedure might take too long and we don’t know how much it will take. some said it took about a month and a half some said more some said less. but we don’t know anyone who have made his residency after the war. (I meant for Iraqis). So we will take a chance. I don’t know How I will stand to stay alone without him. I depend completely on him in many things in the house, I can’t go alone, I can’t operate the generator alone, and so many problems we had that he used to take care for me.
I feel so depressed, We have never thought of leaving Iraq before, now we have to, we can’t stand living here any more. My husband was so depressed the for the last few months till now, he said he needs to make a change we all need to make a change, even our way of thinking needs to change.

He will leave next month, and I will wait for him here. you will be my only way to relieve myself and be connected with the outside world. And after leaving Iraq I will give you some information about me and my family.