Sunday, October 31, 2004

Strange Feelings

I told you in my last post that I was busy in some house work, Actually me and my husband were busy redecorating my daughter’s room. She has been sleeping in our bedroom since she was born and now comes the time to make her move out!. First when she was born we decided to put her bed in our bedroom for only few months till she starts to have a full night sleep, then the electricity started to shut off in summer so we decided to make her stay till the summer end because our room is the coolest room in our house and we have an inverter which enable us to open only one fan. the next thing happened is the war which made it impossible for us to make her move to her bedroom, we made our room as a shelter to us even we covered all the glass with wood and cartoons and it’s place in the house makes it the safest room in the house. After the war finished there was big shortage of electricity and again we could not make her move to her room. now the circumstances refuse to get better and if we decided to make her with us till things starts to get better, she might get married in our bedroom :). the weather is starting to become cold so there is no need to use any thing if the electricity shuts off. Now the electricity is very good because the consumption is very little.
After a month of working in her room, we changed everything, that we made before she was born, she want everything to be pink. she loves pink very much. Even when we went to look for a new room for her the first thing she asks the salesman is “do you have a pink bedroom!” well finally we found her a beautiful pink room just the way she likes. and she moved to her new room two days ago.
What strange feelings I had the first time I felt she is a way from me? I could not sleep that night, I went to her room several times and watched how she looks like an angel in her new bed. I don’t know how to describe my feelings I can’t find words fit enough I felt as a part of my heart is taken away. I asked my husband if he had the same feelings, he said yes, I wanted to bring her back to her old bed in our room again, and he too he went several times watching her sleeping in her own room.
I still remember the day she was born and how beautiful she looked just like yesterday. she is a 3 year and a half now. I was talking to my mother a bout my feelings and how I found it so difficult but she said she felt the same and she used to check me sleep in my room till I moved from the house to my husband’s house!

All Iraqis have their children sleep in their room for the first 2-3 years before they moved them to another room (if they have one), so it is not strange for us to make her move now. But my idea was that we make her sleep in her room the first day she was born, but I could not succeed, I don’t know if we are so passionate or not, any way the circumstance made it not possible for me to make her move out. I still want her to stay in my room but this is impossible now!. her old bed is still in my bedroom and I don’t have the courage to take it away.
I wonder how will be my feelings when she enter collage. I hope me and my husband stay alive to see this moment and I wish she will be safe till that day and after and I wonder how will my feelings be when she get married, happy or sad?

Another subject
I decided to stop watching news. I can’t change anything and the news only makes me nervous and become more tension. in spite of that I hear many bad news, but I do not want to write them in this post.

PS. to John from NZ, I will answer your questions in my next post.


255 Comments:

Blogger Carrie said...

My daughter is 3 and half as well. May 12th. Anyway, I think alot of women go through that. Especially first time mothers. There is always the fear that something could happen small that you dont know about and can't protect her. Or that she may have a bad dream and need us to comfort her even though "expert's" say she needs to work through them alone. Or what if she starts coughing and can't get back to sleep. The funny thing I realized once I did move my daughter to her own room was that I was fooling myself. I kept saying I needed her near by to comfort and take care of her, when truth is...having her tiny little body near me, hearing her breath (or snore) is such a miracle to me that in fact SHE was the comfort to me. Knowing that this little part of me, this perfect thing that came to life through me is around is so uncomphrendingly important, that I couldnt bear to be away from her. She's so dependant on me... actually I'm completely and totally dependant on her. Suffice it to say that I, and almost every other parent in the world, can say we understand completely.

3:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From John

Three-and-a-half is a very cute age Rose: their personalities really start emerging.
Our two girls slept in their own bedrooms right from birth. (We had a 3-bedroom house, which is just normal here, not a sign of wealth.) But when the youngest was three-and-half and her older sister was five, we were approached one evening by a solemn delegation of small children, who said they wanted to sleep together in one room.
"No, no," we said, "you will just talk and giggle when you should be sleeping."
"Noooo we won’t. We’ll go to sleep."
We gave in, and they talked and giggled all night. You can’t win.

10:37 AM  
Blogger The G-man said...

Thank you for your comments. They go to prove that the people in Iraq are not all that different from people in America. You see, I have a 4 year old son. Convincing my wife that it was time for him to move into his own room was quite a chore. She still stands at his door while he sleeps, making sure that he is alright. It is my sicerest hope that your people will find the peace and freedom that you all deserve and that your daughter will grow up in a country that is better than the one that you grew up in. These are the hopes that every parent has for their child. We are not so different after all.

11:35 AM  
Blogger Mad Canuck said...

Most parents I know here either put their babies in a room by themselves from the day they're born, or when they're 3 or 4 months old. My older daughter had her own room from when she was born.

Our younger daughter was sleeping with us for the first few months, and at about 4 months old, her pediatrician asked my wife, "is she sleeping through the night yet?" My wife told him no, then he asked, "is she still sleeping in the room with you?", and she answered yes. The doctor told us to move the baby to a room by herself, and she started sleeping through the night almost right away (it seems our being in the room with her was disturbing her sleep).

Shawn.

7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a mother of an 8 year old and a 4 year old(both girls) I know how you feel. They have their own rooms - but both slept in our room in a bassinet(and then a crib) until they were several months old. I still steal into their rooms at night to watch them sleep. Their little faces remind me so much of when they were born. Sometimes I will catch a profile that looks exactly like an ultrasound image from before they were born. Girls are wonderful and it is a priviledge and an honor to be their mother. I say the prayer over them when they are sleeping to bless them well. I pray for Iraq as well every night - especially for the children. Monica - Philly

9:27 PM  
Blogger johnny said...

It's strange for me to be reading about three and half year old daughters and sleeping in cots in their own rooms. That was the age my daughter Sienna was in the hot summer of 1976. Both our children had slept in their own bedrooms since they were born. It was 7.00 o'clock on a Friday morning when my wife and I were woken by our four and a half year old son Jamie saying "Bubba's fallen out of window" and my wife was first into her bedroom and screamed to me that she's down there. I raced downstairs and when I opened the front door I expected to find her dead on the concrete driveway but as I picked her up her eyes opened and she moaned and then she closed them again but she was still breathing. There was no blood, just a slight scratch on her right shoulder. The ambulance was there within minutes and when we got to the local hospital a team of doctors were already at the back of the ambulance ready to take her into theatre. We told the doctors that our son had gone into her bedroom to play with her and she had climbed out of her cot and onto a work surface, similar to the ones you have in kitchens, then stood up and opened the window outwards. It was then that they told us that she had taken the whole impact on the right side of her head and they were transferring her to The Royal London Hospital where a neurological team would take over. Being in the back of that ambulance on the ten mile drive into the centre of London at rush hour with two police motorbikes escorting us was something else, it didn't slow down once. She was in the Intensive Care Unit when we next saw her and by Saturday the swelling to her head was so severe her ear was sunken into it. The professor in charge then told us he would have to cut part of her skull away and put a 'shunt' in to release the pressure on her brain and would operate Sunday morning. She was unconscious in Intensive Care for six weeks and her body temperature was fluctuating from one extreme to the other which eventually righted itself but they decided to put her on the children's ward hoping the sounds would bring her round but they didn't. By now we had begun to accept that when she did come home the house would have to be adapted for our blind, deaf and dumb daughter. Then one day while she was lying in her hospital bed I pushed my open hand towards her face and she raised her hand and grabbed my wrist - she could see! On another day I got a balloon put my lips on it and blew and she blew on the other side - she could communicate! Then I stuck a pin in it and she screamed - she could hear! One morning we went in and the nurses asked us what "dunshine" meant when we told them it was her name for "Sunshine" our pet boxer dog - we knew she could talk. When we told the professor about her saying the dog's name he said bring it into the hospital so when it put it's paws on her bed and licked her face she got off the bed to play with him - she could walk.

To cut a long story short the only effect the accident has had on her is that she can't see to her left without moving her head, which means she has never been able to get a driving licence. She is now 32 and works as a carer with adults from mental institutions and been happily married for four years. Just to dumbfound us she goes to college two evenings a week and is into the third year of a four-year psychology degree.

Rose, if you ever feel inadequate as a parent when we took our first baby home we were so green we boiled the teats in a saucepan of water and put them on the bottle using a wire coat hanger without touching them with our fingers! I should have known better because when my Mum used to breast-feed me on the doorstep as a baby she always had a cigarette in her mouth and I remember the ash falling on my head. ;-)

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Blogger Carrie said...

No matter what race, culture or religon...
Life is our connection to each other.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

We went through much the same thing with my daughter, she slept in the same room with us for about 8 months, then we moved her into a crib in her own room. For the first few months, it was so quiet in our room (babies make a lot of little noises when they sleep)...I would be awakened by the quiet and would creep into her room and watch her sleep.

I think there must be some things that almost all mothers do.

11:17 AM  
Blogger _gentle said...

Rose,

I have been reading your blog for some time. Thank you so much for your insight into a life I know nothing about. Through you, I have seen way beyond the stereotypes and have had my faith renewed in the beauty of being human.

My daughter is 4 years old and still sleeps in our room. I painted her room pink, put in lace curtains, a canopy and even painted a whimsical rabbit on the wall so she could follow it into her dreams. Nevertheless, she is still in our bed and she has been there since day one. I've decided, "why fight it?" One day she will be a teenager and will shun my hugs because she is too proud and wants to assert her independence and maturity. I'm holding on as long as she will let me.

God Bless you Rose and thank you again for sharing your life, fears, happiness and thoughts.

gentle

10:34 AM  
Blogger MonicaR said...

Gentle, I agree. I always held my babies - so much so that neighbors and family would tell me I was holding them too much. Can you imagine? I always said to them - my babies will be old enough soon that they won't even want to be kissed by me in public - I will hold them until they don't want to be held anymore!!

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From a mother in America

Rose, I loved reading this description of your 'strange feelings.' We have seven children. Our youngest is 6 years old. I enjoy all my children and all their ages, but I still have these bittersweet, kind of sad and regretful feelings about the milestones they hit that show they are growing up.
When my first child had her 6th birthday, I cried, because she was growing up so fast.
So many times as a mother I have thought that time should stop moving, that this or that moment is the perfect moment for my family, and I don't want things to change at all any more. But God knows best. Time goes on, my children keep growing up whether I want them to or not, and I find new joys in mothering grown up young people.
I'd love to have a little one as young as yours to snuggle with and cuddle and love and enjoy watching learn again- maybe someday, grandchildren!

10:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Rose,
I just found your blog today and am enjoying reading it. I so, so completely understand those 'strange feelings' you describe. My two year old now sleeps in his own bed most nights, but he did sleep in our bed for a long time. And the other day, he came marching in at 6am and wanted get in our bed, we all three fell back asleep for another three hours. It was lovely :)
God bless you & your family,
Beth

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Blogger CM Stout said...

You have a lovely blog Rose. Please continue to write and I will continue to read it. Your little one must be enjoying that new room! As a mom, I know it's hard to let them go to their new room, but it only proves you are a good mom having normal feelings when things change.

Have a wonderful day Rose!

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