Friday, October 01, 2004

Other details of our weddings

When the girl get engaged, her family buys her everything she may need, her cloth, towels, bed covers, nightdresses and so on, while the groom's family buys the furniture like the bed room (the bride choose it but they pay for it) other things in the house both family help each other according to their wealth. The reason why the groom and the bride don't choose everything by themselves with their own money is the lack of money for the young couple.

The first breakfast after the new couple gets married is usually made by the bride's mother who brings it to their house in the morning (It's optional). the breakfast usually contains Kahi which is also a traditional breakfast in many occasions like Eid, it is some kind of pastry sweated with a sweeten syrup, usually eaten it with local cream which we call it (qaimar) and honey.

In the Nishan party, the groom and his family bring gifts to the bride including some night dresses and perfumes and some clothes decorated inside baskets (this is traditional in Baghdad and some of the cities but not all of them).

The white dress is usually bought by the groom or his family.

In Sab'a the mother of the bride and her mother in low give gifts from gold or diamond to the bride (optional).

Now let's discuss our main problem for most of the Iraqis right now which is residence. It's impossible for a normal paid couple to build or buy a simple house or even rent it. We have a serious problem with that, the lands became so expensive the last ten years and reached a high level the last couple of years, Baghdad and also the other cities expand horizontally not vertically as it should be according to the increae of population in Iraq, so we have very few residential buildings. The increment of prices of construction materials plus the bad rental law we have (which I'm going to talk about in another post) makes very few people think of investing their money for a public building or residential buildings. Therefore most couples either lives in a bed room in the man’s family's house and that is a very big problem for both of them or if his family is wealthy enough they could build him a small apartment above their house. If their house is big enough or have a big garden they build them a small house but this needs a lot of money.
Buying a good small house needs about one hundered millon Iraqi dinar which is about 70 thousands dollars and may be much more according where you want to buy your land, so according to our wages you can have your own house for about 25 years if you get a good salary. Or you should wait till some of your wealthy relatives die or you should be a merchant or a thief, or you become so lucky if your family is rich enough and they can offer you a house. We don't have payment by installment which can make things much easier for many of those who can pay a large amount of money every month but could not buy a house in advance. For me I consider my self lucky, my husband's family have a big house and wealth enough, so they separated their house for us, but I am still dreaming of my own house, but compared to others I'm very lucky. At least I have my own privacy. Many couples have children now and still unable to build or buy a house so they still live all together in the same bedroom!

I know a family that have five grown men in their house, they all got married and all have children some of them have 2 and others 3 and they still live in the same house together, when I go there I usually have a bad headache for the loud noise I hear.


Our community makes us depend completely on our parents, the parents are helping us in many ways, because they had the chance to build themselves while we are trying but we can't.

In many cities like Mosul, It's impossible for a couple to start their live separated form the husband's family even If they are wealthy enough, because they simply don't accept this, and they want all the family to live together with their children and grandchildren as well.

When the bride becomes pregnant with here first child, her family should buy all the child needs, his clothes, the bed, etc…..this tradition is more practiced in Mosul than Baghdad. Well if you want to know why I always compare things with mosul is because, I'm half form Baghdad and Half form Mosul. My father is form Mosul but he left Mosul since he was young but I still have so many relatives there, while my mother is from Baghdad.







235 Comments:

Blogger Faisal ... said...

Salaam Rose

All I want to say is this prose:

"I always complained to the Lord because I had no sandals and had to walk bear feet until I saw someone sitting on the street who had no legs and was happy."

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Blogger johnny said...

Faisal - Why didn't you offer to buy his sandals from him?

Rose - It's fascinating reading your insight into everyday life for ordinary people in Iraq. Hopefully your Daughter and thousands like her, in the future, can vote for a political party that promises to build new affordable houses for young married couples. If that political party does not deliver on their promises within their four year term of office they risk getting voted out next time. This is a good example of how Democracy works. Your Daughter's generation will want change and this is how it will come about.

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Blogger rose said...

well Josie, it seems that your traditions are very similar to the Christians here. my closest friends are Christians and I had attended many Christian weddings and they looked very similar to what you said

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Blogger susi from california said...

I live here near San Francisco and housing to buy is expensive as well. Newly married couples sometimes start off their lives together in renting an apartment together while saving their money for a downpayment on a house. A downpayment can be about 10-20% of the purchase price of the home. Parents sometimes help their kids with the downpayment on a house. After finding a home the couple likes, they can finance the remaining 80% of the house with a 30 year mortgage. Its nice when a couple can have their own home to start a family in.

Most married couples I know don't want to live with their parents but want to buy a home of their own. Although I do know some couples from India (but live here in the States) who can afford a home on their own still want to live with their parents. Not me. Once I turned 18 and left my parents home to go to college in Los Angeles, I never lived with my parents again. Its nice to visit them but I like living on my own. You can decorate it the way you want to :-)

I hope that Iraq will become peaceful and prosperous soon. It would be great if Iraqis start building more apartments and houses for the many young Iraqi families and that purchasing/financing a new home for a young couple would become easier.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish for you what I wish for my own children. The hopes of young lovers are so much more important in the long run than the lusts of leaders.

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Blogger Faisal ... said...

Johny

??????????????

It's only a prose. All it's suppose to mean is be happy for what little (good) you have and do not complain on what you do not have.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Johnny said :-

Faisal
In England we call it a proverb and I thought you had posted it light-heartedly, to put a smile on Rose's face. I just posted a quip to it, to help keep her smiling. I certainly didn't think you were implying Rose should be grateful for small mercies. Laughter and humour are universal languages. Besides, Rose said her husband's family are wealthy and she has a Blog that is read by thousands of people all over the world. That makes her rich and famous, she probably wouldn't be seen dead in a pair of dusty old second-hand sandals anyway. ;-)

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Blogger Faisal ... said...

Johnny

Understood. Please accept my apology.

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When a small business owner applies to a lending institution for a business loan, the lender reviews the application and decides if it merits a busiuness loan or if it requires an SBA guaranty. SBA backing on the business loan is then requested by the lender. In guaranteeing the business loan, the SBA assures the lender that, in the event the borrower does not repay the loan, the government will reimburse the lender for its loss. By providing this guaranty, the Small Business Administration helps tens of thousands of small business owners get financing they would not otherwise obtain.

How much money can I borrow?

Here are a few examples of what you can get from SBA small business loans programs:

7(a) Loan Guaranty Program

The 7(a) Loan Guaranty Program is the SBA's primary small business loan program. A maximum loan amount of $2 million has been established for 7(a) business loans.

Low Documentation Loan (SBALowDoc)

SBALowDoc is the SBA’s quick and easy program that provides a guaranty on small business loans of $150,000 or less. Once you have met your lender’s requirements for credit, the lender may request an SBALowDoc guaranty for up to 85 percent of the loan amount. You complete the front of a one-page SBA application, and the lender completes the back. At SBALowDoc centers, the agency processes completed applications within 36 hours.

SBAExpress

This method makes it easier and faster for lenders to provide small business loans of $250,000 or less. The SBA provides a rapid response through its PLP processing center in Sacramento, Calif.— within 36 hours of receiving the complete application package. Lenders use their own procedures to approve and service the loans.

CommunityExpress

The CommunityExpress pilot program is designed to spur economic development and job creation in untapped rural and inner city communities by providing loans and technical assistance. Loan proceeds may be used for most business purposes, including start-up, expansion, equipment purchases, working capital, inventory or real-estate acquisitions.
To be eligible for CommunityExpress, current or prospective small businesses must be located in low- and moderate-income urban and rural areas.

While CommunityExpress is similar to SBAExpress, here are some differences:

• CommunityExpress focuses on predesignated geographic areas that primarily low- and moderate-income urban and rural areas.

• The maximum loan amount under CommunityExpress is $250,000.

• CommunityExpress lenders, together with the National Community Reinvestment Coalition, provide hands-on technical training and support, both before and after loan closings, through community-based, nonprofit NCRC member organizations.

7(m) Microloan Program

The SBA’s Microloan Program provides very small loans up to $35,000 to small businesses and not-for-profit child-care centers through a network of locally based intermediary lenders. In addition to making the loans, the intermediaries provide management and technical assistance to microborrowers and potential microborrowers.

What can I use the loan proceeds for?

You can use an SBA small business loan to:

• expand or renovate facilities;
• purchase machinery, equipment, fixtures and leasehold improvements;
• finance receivables and augment working capital;
• refinance existing debt (with compelling reason);
• finance seasonal lines of credit;
• construct commercial buildings; and/or
• purchase land or buildings.

How do I repay the loan?

The length of time for repayment depends on the use of the loan proceeds and the ability of your small business to repay the loan.The term is usually 5 to 10 years for working capital, and up to 25 years for fixed assets such as the purchase or major renovation of real estate or purchase of equipment. There are no balloon payments, prepayment penalties, application fees or points permitted with these small business loans. Repayment plans may be tailored to each individual small business.

How do I get started?

You submit a business loan application to a lender for initial review. If the lender approves the business loan subject to an SBA guaranty, a copy of the loan application and a credit analysis are forwarded by the lender to the nearest SBA office. After SBA approval, the lending institution closes the business loan and disburses the funds; you make monthly loan payments directly to the lender. As with any loan, you are responsible for repaying the full amount of the loan. Visit **www.SBASmallBusinessLoans.com** for more info.

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